


Tolerate it

by DAgron01



Category: Charmed (TV 2018)
Genre: A very emo Abigael because that is how I am feeling currently, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: Abigael is not dealing with the loss of Mel Vera very well at all. Sure she saved the entire magical universe but at what cost?orAbigael gets a Valentine's Day surprise when she learns that Mel didn't actually die
Relationships: Abigael Jameson-Caine/Mel Vera
Comments: 3
Kudos: 65





	Tolerate it

Abigael doesn’t understand how her family can hate her so much. How she can simultaneously be too demon for one side and not demon enough for the other. She doesn’t understand the Charmed Ones. The bond they share. Abigael can’t bother to get one single person to love her and Mel somehow has two sisters she is willing to die for. And it hurts. It hurts in ways Abigael doesn’t like to think about. The whole idea of never being enough is already more than she cares to live with. The thought that even now, her sister didn’t even want to see her. She hid from Jordan and left a damn note. What more can Abigael possibly do to get someone to  _ see  _ her. She’s already given up on the fantasy of someone loving her, but to be seen and understood...

Which brings her back to Mel Vera. Dammit all to hell. That girl makes her so irate. She  _ has  _ people who love her and she’s willing to give that all up rather than fight for it. For them. Who does that? Who sacrifices themselves for someone else? No one can truly be that selfless. That  _ good. _ And yet. And yet…

Abigael sighs as she looks at her demonic reflection in the mirror. There’s truly no use in fighting it now. She’s the bad guy. The person so vile and irredeemable that even her own family disowns her. She admires her new reflection. Maybe this is who she really is. She finally looks on the outside what she feels like on the inside. Damned. A monster. The ultimate villain. 

She shakes her head and closes her eyes. And when she opens them again, she sees her human form. This will do for now. As she grieves. As she lets herself say goodbye to the last shred of goodness that was left in her. 

It’s ironic really. The thing she always told herself she hated most about the sisters was how good they were. How pure. And now here she is, grieving one of them. Cursing her. Because she was too good to let someone else die for her. She hates that she let herself care about them. Care about Mel. But Mel was so pure that somehow she even saw goodness in Abigael. Goodness that absolutely isn’t there, to be sure. But Mel had convinced herself that Abigael was worth dying for. Not only Abigael--but all magical creatures. But still, she hates that Mel believed in her that much.

And what she hates most of all is that she  _ doesn’t  _ hate it. It felt good to have someone trust her. Believe in her. Fight for her. It felt good to have someone expect better of her. Because dammit again, but Abigael really wanted to live up to those expectations. She wanted to be worth that belief. That concern. The admiration that Mel seemed to bestow upon her so undeservingly. And yeah, she took steps to protect herself. Make herself stronger. Why wouldn’t she? She is alone and has enemies who want her dead. It’s simple self-preservation really. And okay, with this much power running through her veins, she does want to be a little petty. She wants to destroy her family. She wants to conquer her enemies. She wants to _ live. _

Only now, why doesn’t that seem as enticing as it did yesterday? Why is living suddenly so daunting? So overwhelming. So...empty. What does she have to live for? Sure she can conquer the world. Rule it even. But then what? She will be just as alone. Just as miserable. But she won’t be able to make excuses then. She won’t be able to explain away the emptiness in her heart (yes, she does have one as much as she is loathed to admit it) when she has everything she thought she wanted. Because then what? Now she can say, when I get my power back, I can be happy. Or when I get my revenge, then I will be happy. When I show them that they have not won, then I will be happy. But when all of that happens and she is still unhappy, then what can she blame her loneliness on?

She lights a candle for Mel. Out of respect. Out of honor. But also out of anger. Because how dare she give her hope and then snatch it away from her fingertips just as she reaches for it. Just when she thinks she might actually deserve something good in this god-forsaken world. 

She will not cry for Mel. She will not stoop to that level. She hates her for leaving her behind. For spouting all of that nonsense about love and forgiveness and goodness and honor and duty. She hates that she believed it. She hates that she cares at all.

But that’s the crux of it, isn’t it. She tells herself she is unkind and unfeeling. That her life is hers to live. Her choices are not about regret or guilt or pain, but made out of logical self-preservation and realism. But they’re not. They never were. She’s always been a scared little girl just wanting someone to tell her it will be okay. That she is loved and valued. That she matters. 

She heaves out a long suffering sigh, because that was never in the cards for her. A happily ever after isn’t meant for demon hybrids who lost their souls to despair and grief long ago. Happily ever afters are supposed to go to the pollyanna princesses who sing to birds and shit. People like Mel Vera. Except that this universe is cruel, and even those who deserve good things get nothing for their hard work and selflessness. And that may be the worst truth of it all. She stopped believing in fairy tales for herself long ago, but didn’t realize she was still a bit of a romantic at heart. And that’s what hurts. 

Because even when her life sucked, knowing that there were people in the world like Mel and her sisters...as much as she hated the concept...it still made her world a bit brighter. Knowing she existed and was out there making the world a better place had always been enough for her. But now what? Now there was literally nothing to look forward to. Nothing to tether her to the better angels of her nature. No one to grant her the unkindness of believing in her and making her feel worthy of that belief. And it  _ was  _ unkind. Because  _ hope  _ is unkind for creatures like her. And that is what she chooses to let go of today. Not Mel Vera. But the embodiment of her. She is letting go of  _ hope. _ For any chance at redemption. 

As she takes a steadying breath to blow out the candle and let go, the elevator dings as it arrives on her floor. She huffs out a disgruntled breath--accidentally blowing out the candle anyway. But then Mel appears as the doors open and Abigael stares at her stunned.

“Don’t look so happy to see me.” Mel says with a soft smile.

Abigael frowns. “You’re here...but how?” 

She shakes her head because clearly she must be going mad.

“Turns out the greatest sacrifice wasn’t me dying for my sisters. It was all of us being equally willing to die for each other.” Mel explains with a shrug.

Pain shoots through Abigael’s heart at the statement. How easy it is for Mel to say even as Abigael thinks about the charred remains of her own sister’s casually cruel dismissal of her.

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just...I stopped by to check on you. To make sure it worked and that you were okay.” Mel tells her as she slowly approaches. “But I can leave if you don’t want me here.”

That gets a proper response for Abigael. She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“No...I’m just…” She sighs and opens her eyes. “I was about to light a candle in your honor. I thought…”

Mel’s entire face softens. “You...you were…” She steps closer. “You actually were mourning me?”

Abigael rolls her eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Mel shakes her head. “I won’t. I promise. I’m just surprised.” She licks her lips and averts her eyes. “It means a lot that you care. That I matter enough to you to do this.”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t every day someone risks their own life for you.” Abigael quips with as much nonchalance as she can muster. But the truth settles heavy in her heart. No one but Mel would even care enough to try to save her.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Mel tells her and it melts the ice remaining in her heart.

“I thought...shouldn’t that be my line?”

Mel shrugs. “Since you never said it…”

Abigael rolls her eyes and scoffs. “It was obviously implied.”

“Was it though?”

And Abigael likes their banter. She always has. But this feels less combative and more friendly. Is that what they were now? Friends. Is that enough for Abigael? She closes her eyes and shakes her head. Nope. Hope is gone. She bid farewell to that moments ago.

“So...I know it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m probably the last person you want to spend it with after being obligated to spend the whole day with me already...but I brought some wine and thought we could enjoy each other’s company without the impending death and destruction of the world lingering between us.”

Abigael actually laughs at that. Genuinely.

“Obligated? Since when have I ever done something I didn’t want to do?”

“You…” Mel stares at her and then shakes her head. “Okay, I won’t argue semantics with you. Wine?”

“Yes, please.” She walks into the kitchen and retrieves wine glasses for them. “And just so we’re both clear--I am glad you’re not dead.”

Mel smiles at her.

“Solely because I like to be the thorn in your side. I enjoy when you crawl to me with your tail between your legs and beg for my help because you Charmed Ones are useless without me.”

Mel smirks at her and rolls her eyes as Abigael hands her the glass full of wine. “You require me to beg...noted.”

Abigael nearly spits out the wine she just sipped as her eyes widen and she stares at Mel incredulously. “Really? That’s your take away there?”

Mel shrugs again and sips her own wine daintily. They drink in a comfortable silence and then Abi refills their glasses as they head to the couch to sit and relax. She watches as Mel takes in the new destruction in the room.

“I like what you’ve done with the place.” Mel teases her again.

And it feels right. It feels warm in her chest. The alcohol. Not hope. Never again hope.

“I thought it needed a change.” She pauses. “I needed a change.”

“I can help you clean up. If you want. Or redecorate.” Mel offers.

“Why are you here?” Abigael needs to know.

Mel swallows thickly and sits her empty glass on the broken table. “Maggie has Jordan and Macy has Harry.”

“And you were lonely?” Abigael surmises. “What about Ruby?”

“I told you, we’re just friends.”

Abigael nods and finishes her drink. Then she sits the glass beside Mel’s on the table. 

“And you wanted to check on me?” Abigael asks pointedly. “Or check up on me?”

Mel looks taken aback by the comment. “I...I had fun today. Despite the circumstances and the death lingering over my head. And I...maybe I was wrong, but I thought we shared a moment before and…” She stands up. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Abigael deflates and hates herself for how quickly hope rushed back. Guess that didn’t last long at all.

“No, it’s not. I...today was not a good day.” She admits. Then gestures at the demolished room as proof.

“Want to talk about it? Because it’s got to be more than you thinking I died or you celebrating being alive…”

“I don’t...want to talk about it.” Her breath goes ragged and she hates feeling vulnerable like this. “But...it’s looking up. I think. I...I want to not think about that and think about now. You’re still alive. And you’re here.”

“I am.” She smiles sadly at her but doesn’t argue. Instead she adds, “And I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me now.”

Abigael can’t help smiling back. “That doesn’t sound as much of a threat as it used to.”

“Hey!” Mel slaps at her indignantly. 

She rests her hand on Abigael’s forearm and Abi’s eyes drop to the place of contact. It burns in the way that the sun is too bright to look at directly. The way that the moon outshines the stars at night. It feels warm and good in a way that Abigael still feels like she doesn’t deserve. But just like Icarus flying too close to the sun, she feels emboldened. She feels invincible. She feels like this may be dangerous, but so very worth it.

And that is why she leans in as she closes her eyes. And she actually finds herself praying to a god she doesn’t believe in to not let her fall. Or if she does, that Mel will always be there to catch her. Because this doesn’t feel like a risk or even like a bad idea. It feels inevitable. 

Mel kisses her back and it feels like her prayer was answered. That Mel is promising her to always be there to catch her. To tether her. To remind her that just maybe...she is worth it to someone. And if she is only ever meant to mean something to one person--she’s glad that person is Mel. Because Mel, she will admit it to herself, means everything to her. 

Mel slowly pulls away with a smile on her face and her eyes shining brightly. “So…”

Abigael laughs. “Happy Valentine’s Day?”

Mel laughs too. “I am really glad I didn’t die today.” She says as she leans in to kiss Abigael again.

When they part this time, Abigael breathes out in a whisper. “Me too.”

And she has never meant anything more than those two words. She feels her demon side trembling with unadulterated power shifting through her veins. But, that doesn’t have to be bad. She realizes it now. Mel knows who she is.  _ What _ she is. And what she’s done. And she’s still here. She still looks at Abigael like she matters. So maybe she really does.


End file.
